Follow My 30 Day No Online Dating Challenge!

As a dating blogger, I read a lot of books on the art of finding ‘The One’ and improving your love life, naturally, for external research purposes only.

Most recently, I came across one by renowned dating coach and ‘real-life Hitch’, Matthew Hussey. A cross between Daniel Radcliffe and Bradley Cooper, the English-accented Hussey is quite easy on the eyes, no doubt contributing to why his videos on everything from ‘what to text him back when he disappears’ to ‘how to respond to a man who says he doesn’t want a relationship’ have gained steady prominence over the last few years, catapulting him to the likes of Rachel Ray and the Today Show. If that wasn’t good enough for you, Eva Longoria is a self-confessed fan.

A New York Times best-seller, Matthew’s book ‘How to Get the Guy’ narrates a series of tips on how to evolve yourself to become a ‘high-value’ woman so you can attract a worthy mate. Amongst the recommendations are enriching your life with activities that make you happy, practicing being friendly and talking to new people and having and asserting a clear set of standards for what you’re expecting in a relationship. Sounds like everything I’ve heard about a billion times before, to be frank. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me to ‘pursue hobbies that make me happy’ to meet the right man, I’d probably have enough money to invent an ideal man-making machine by now. You know what’d make me happy Matthew? Not dating idiots, that’s what.

As expected, the book contains endless anecdotes of women who’ve followed Hussey’s tips and found the light at the end of the hopeless love tunnel. Women who didn’t have the confidence to talk to anyone, but then plucked up the courage to talk to that cute guy at the gym, leaving him enthralled by her. Women who put their foot down on being treated badly and the man realised he couldn’t play her so became the man of her dreams. The stuff that romantic comedies make you think can happen in your life every day when really the guy at the gym doesn’t care if you’re talking to him because he can’t even hear you over his headphones.

Interestingly enough however, just as I was giving up hope on Hussey, he made two very distinct points and halted my cynicism. Matthew says that viewing online dating as a very secondary supplement to meeting people in real life and secondly, having a strategy about love, are two of the critical elements in succeeding when it comes to love and becoming the coveted ‘high-value woman’.

Ok sure. I mean if you think about it, it seems pretty damn self-explanatory right? Online dating isn’t the only way to meet someone and make sure you know what you’re looking for. Like duh?

But then again, it’s easier said than done to remember these things isn’t it? In one of his videos, Hussey talks about the merits of a real life connection and how seeing the animated version of someone in action often incites a chemical reaction that even the most good-looking person cannot over a screen. I know this. But in a world where you can swipe your way to love (or something that resembles it for a night), the art form of meeting someone in reality seems implausible. I have a trillion excuses for why not:

‘People don’t like to date people they meet at work…’

‘No one ever approaches me….’

‘Things have changed….’

‘All the good guys are taken….’

We all do. We use the above as a way to justify not putting ourselves out there and hiding behind the familiar tap-tap of a keyboard because rejection feels so much better when we can swipe it left. It’s easier to complain than it is to make an effort.

Which brings us to Matthew’s second point – having a strategy about love. Lord knows I’ve wanted to punch every person who has ever told me ‘You’ll find love when you least expect it’ and ‘Love comes when you’re happy with yourself, no one else can complete you, work on yourself first’. I’m not saying there are not merits to self-improvement and feeling good about yourself. Yes, no person can complete you if you’re not feeling good in your own skin. But this notion that you must first become the most enlightened, fit, put-together version of yourself in order to meet someone and that too, just when you least expect it because you’re too busy being amazing, is pure doodie. There is not one person on this planet (besides Deepak Chopra and Beyonce probably) who achieved that level of self-actualisation before meeting the love of their lives.

Just as you would do with anything else in life, even when it comes to love, you need a plan. You don’t just sit around hoping someone will employ you, you don’t wish yourself money, good friendships or a healthy body, so why do you wish yourself love? There is nothing wrong with having a goddamn strategy when it comes to finding it and I’ve always believed this, well before Hussey told me so. Because seriously, not all of us walk into a bookstore, drop a copy of ’Twilight’ and have a handsome stranger pick it up off the ground for us, eyes locking, love blossoming. The majority of us walk into a bookstore, drop the book AND our coffee and instead of a handsome stranger, a dorky store clerk comes over to yell at us, whilst secretly judging us for reading Twilight to begin with (shout-out to Samuel from Dymocks, George Street). Ya feel?

So what is the point of this post, besides having turned into quite a long-winded, flattering book review? Well, I’ll tell you. See, I want to test Matthew’s theories. I want to know if it’s possible to strategically meet people in real life and find a date (forget love, let’s walk first) the old-fashioned way – by talking to people in real life and putting yourself out there as a ‘high-value’ woman.

For the next 30 days, I will be utilising absolutely no online dating platforms to pursue what was once known as ‘old-fashioned’ dating. This means talking to real life men in real life situations like a coffee shop or at an event or at the gym. I’ll be putting myself out there to attend different events where I think I could strategically find like-minded people, saying yes to all kinds of blind-date setups offered by mutual friends and being that weirdo who says hello to you on the train. And to top it all off, I’ll be blogging about it every single day for the next 30 days no matter how mundane.

The goal is to see how many dates I can get in a month without the help of a Tinder, eHarmony, OkCupid, Bumble etc. and how assess if the art of real-life love is still a plausible concept for a 20-something woman and if as Matthew says, it really does make me feel more ‘high-value’ than simply waiting for someone to swipe right on me. Let’s see if reality is all it’s cracked up to be.

Till tomorrow, pray for ya gal.

R xx

GIF & Photo credit: Google Images