The F-Word: Why Feminism is so misunderstood

For those of you who don't know, I have an amazingly talented younger sister (also a published author at 20) who far outdoes any talent I could ever have both intellectually and as a writer. I often look to her to guide me on things far beyond her young years of wisdom, yet somehow she always has a solution.

Earlier today she messaged me an article on Facebook where a prominent celebrity had gone on a tirade dismissing feminism as hurtful and offensive to women who want to become homemakers and have children. The core misconception that feminists stand against either of those things implored me to ask her to write a piece on this topic and voila, here it is.

The F-Word

“Clap if you’re a feminist.”

It seems the ordinary, four-lettered f-word has been replaced by an even more vulgar and offensive one: feminism. Surprised? So am I. In today’s society, people are so reluctant to call themselves a feminist, out of fear of being judged by others. What’s ironic is, plenty of times these people aren’t misogynistic men who are aiming to oppress women. Instead, it’s often young women who are eager to distance themselves from the concept.

In its simplest form, feminism means equality for both men and women. As comedian and actor Aziz Ansari put it, “You’re a feminist if you go to a Jay Z and Beyoncé concert and you’re not like, mmm, ‘I think Beyoncé should get paid 23% less than Jay Z.” There, see? Nothing so scary about that. If you were to ask most people their belief on equality, they’d be likely to agree that men and women should be given equal rights. So why do people run for the hills when the word ‘feminism’ is brought into the equation?

As a feminist, there have been plenty of times when I’ve eye-rolled at the term “feminazi,” and all the wisecracks about how I probably burn bras in my spare time. “Maybe this is why you’re single, you hate men!” If I had a dollar for every time someone jokingly said that to me, I could afford a high-end pair of noise-cancelling headphones to block out the stupidity. I’ll admit, I usually crack a smile at these jokes when I know my friends are only teasing in good nature. But I am not at all ashamed to correct someone who believes feminism is about hating men and refusing to shave your legs. In fact, let’s play a little game of fact vs. fiction just to clear the air.

Patriarchy sucks. Fact. The wage gap is still an issue. Fact. Women, especially racialised ones, are more vulnerable to socioeconomic issues than men. Fact. Feminism encourages women to be more masculine. Fiction. Feminists think that women are better than men. Fiction. Big. Time. Fiction. Now, was that so hard to wrap your head around?

People often think that being a feminist means forgoing any maternal or feminine qualities, giving up on the idea of raising a family and spending all of your time complaining about men and how badly they treat women. But believe it or not, it’s actually possible to have a career and be a mother, whilst still believing that men and women are equal. Because to me at least, that’s what the very core of feminism is about. Creating more opportunities for women and allowing them more agency.

There are many people who are afraid of being “boxed in” by the label of feminism, not because they are simply ignorant or uneducated, but because this is the normative belief in society. The extremity of feminism is so often enforced that now the entire definition of the word has changed. If you really want to change a definition, then redefine ‘vulnerability.’ Remove women from the position of being vulnerable without teaching them that expressing vulnerability is a sign of weakness. In reality, any form of feminism that preaches hate against men isn’t feminism at all. Similarly, it would be incorrect to say that dominant understandings of feminism do not contain flaws. Most often, advocates for gender equality fail to recognise the importance of cultural and racial differences, and focus solely on the hardships experienced by women in the Western world. Sometimes there is no common “sisterhood,” but that’s okay. It cannot be considered a blanket solution for women all around the world, and often, the road to equality is a complicated one.

But with men still setting the agendas on women’s affairs, and young girls being taught (often by other women) that feminism preaches hatred, it’s disappointing to see that many people believe gender equality is not a problem anymore. Sometimes a man doesn’t have to take away your right to vote just to prove that inequality exists.

As part of promotion for my debut novel, a few months ago I was asked to conduct a live AMA on Reddit, where people around the world could ask me questions about my writing process or leave comments in relation to my book. Having never partaken in something like this before, I was a little nervous but so excited when the questions started rolling in. Although I was fortunate enough to interact with so many lovely people, many of whom just wanted to offer their congratulations rather than ask anything, it was a rude awakening to see some of the other comments posted. One person had suggested that I couldn’t possibly have written the novel myself because I didn’t “look like an author,” and that I was probably a professional model, hired for a marketing gimmick. Another had adamantly claimed that I couldn’t possibly be a university student, implying that I could never pursue a career in Law because I was an airhead and a ditz. It’s easy to say that these kinds of comments are to be expected online because the keyboard offers the safety of anonymity. But it was frustrating to see that people thought I didn’t have a brain simply because I wear makeup and straighten my hair, or use lots of smiley faces and exclamation marks. It couldn’t possibly be true that I could be knowledgeable about international politics and expertly wing my eyeliner. The two seem to be mutually exclusive.

My Reddit AMA is just a minuscule example of why people need to learn the true definition of feminism, and I don’t at all try to compare my own experience to those of women who have suffered far greater inequalities. But it was an important moment for me, because it was only then that I realised how deeply entrenched these misguided attitudes are in society. None of those comments outrightly mentioned my gender, but were still able to demonstrate preconceived notions about my intelligence, simply because of how I looked. This is a problem that men may face as well, but it is one that disproportionately affects young women in particular, and that needs to be recognised.

For me, feminism is about evening the playing field. It should not place one gender above the other, but it definitely should not be apologetic for empowering women. Maybe once we remove the competition between hardship, the game will actually be fair. Contrary to popular belief, I do shave my legs, enjoy rap songs with often-problematic lyrics and apparently look like a hired model (thanks random mean guy. I think it’s almost a compliment). Am I hypocrite? Maybe. Do I still consider myself a feminist? Absolutely.

At the end of the day, it’s completely your choice whether or not you want to call yourself a feminist or not. But it sure would be nice to live in a world where people are more afraid to say they aren’t a feminist, rather than say they are one.

S xx