When You Meet The One at Work: An Ode to my Work Wife

Whilst I use this blog to primarily discuss romantic relationships, I've recently fallen in love and this time, it's not a boy. No, I haven't decided to convert to lesbianism (though really with my track record with men, a very legit option at this point). I am still very much into my boys, don't worry dad. But the feelings I’ve developed for this woman are so real and so true, that I need to physically use this platform to voice my feels for the most major presence in my life right now: my Work Wife.

What is the Work Wife you ask? According to Urban Dictionary:

'That person at work (same or opposite sex) that takes the place of your at home spouse whilst you're at work (with no sexual relationship as part of this being). You talk with, connect to, and relate to this person as good as or better than your home spouse with regards to all things work related.'

Considering I have no home spouse, my work wife is basically… my life (run while you can honey). The epitome of elegance, fiest, sex appeal, character and general amazingness, this woman has swept into my life like a torrid storm and redefined my entire ability to interact with females. And though our platonic love affair actually began over 12 months ago when I was sheepishly introduced to her at a random work drinks, little did I know that this would be the woman who was going to steal my heart, hold it so tightly to her chest, and become literally the reason why I go to work every day.

For those of who you are not my friends, I happen to take friendships extremely seriously. I don’t do ‘casual’ friendships. Uhh, no, you’re either riding or dying bitches. Forget marriage okay? I see friendship as a lifelong bond and promise of caring for one another (I have some major abandonment issues), and therefore, I don't just let anyone become my friend without making sure they can legit meet my outlandish expectations. You need to literally be one of the most loyal, amazing, and trustworthy people I will ever meet. Yes, a part of this may also be because I often say some really horrible stuff that I just cannot risk having leaked out over and over again. That’s why this woman who I hereby name K, is like the cherry on top of all my cakes of friendship.

You see, a Work Wife is almost like a work best friend, except with 10 times the responsibility. Essentially, a WW is the key to accessing you as both a professional and a personal being in the workplace. She vets all your crushes, receives your parcels, sips your coffee before you do of fear of it possibly ruining your lipstick and is basically the proxy to your work life when you're not available. It does not matter if a development in your life is professional or personal, if there is any update that needs to be shared, she gets special privilege of information and of course, this information must always be shared over Soy Chai Lattes.

But why am I writing about my Work Wife now, when I met her and our souls connected almost a year ago? Because like any dramatic, romantic-comedy oriented woman, I realised the total value of having a Work Wife last week. Because you never appreciate your best girlfriend more than when you are trying to get a boyfriend. And it's even worse when said potential boyfriend is some mysterious, charming stranger who sits one level below you at your workplace. And obviously you need to get all the goss you possibly can on this incredible human, even though you're not in the office but on client and he is. So what are you gonna do? You're going to rely on someone that you trust, love and respect that will get you the goss that you need from the inside. Enter the Work Wife.

If there was ever anyone who could out-sleuth CIA operative/total crazy babe, Carrie Mathison, it's my Work Wife. So totally shocked I am by her skill set, that I almost feel like I could not even do justice to her by writing this blog. But I will at the very least, try. This woman, has talents the FBI has not even discovered yet. Everyone knows what it's like to have a crush in the office. I mean, let's be honest. You use the company system to basically stalk down this person and find out everything you can't about them. You palpitate every time they come near you, you try not to blush too deeply if they look at you like EVEN ACCIDENTALLY (thank God for Indian skin) and you also try not to pass out or tell them that you love them to prematurely. Especially when you basically have no reason to interact with him. And he is basically gorgeous. And exotic. And you are always stuck at a totally random client, in the middle of nowhere, therefore totally blocked in your game before you even started. That is why a work crush is so hard and why a WW is so crucial.

I swear, when Obama was looking for Osama, he should have asked my Work Wife, cause she can find even the trickiest of assholes, no matter where they are hidden. But the true joy is not in her investigation, stalking, or chasing down skills. It's just been the pure reliability of knowing that someone will always be there for you. An example is that last week in a moment of panic, I found out that the person of my dreams was going to be fraternising with a potential female enemy. So what did I do? I did what any good Carrie Bradshaw would and I asked my Charlotte/Miranda to track his ass down and watch the entire exchange occur. Before the words had even left my keyboard, she had already gotten up and was stationed securely at the point of transaction. Moments later, I was given a full rundown – a word by word, sweat bead by sweat bead recount of each moment that had just transpired in the last 10 minutes followed by a barrage of commentary about how the woman was just no me. Now that, is what you call friendship.

K, a Work Wife is not just a behind-the-scenes Private Eye, you are essentially the truest companion a girl can ever have in the office. Because you, are truly the only person who will ever be just as fabulous as I am, if not more.

And the truth is that even though my Work Wife is the one that slaps me into realising that sometimes I am being the stupidest person alive, she is also the one who sends me links to Beyonce's 'Grown Woman', which we both sing with equal fervour and passion to one another upon meeting. She is the one who tells me not get riled up by morons who I hate, stands up for me when someone calls me really loud and kind of sassy, which by the way, I will take as a compliment. She is the one who I can tell all of my judgemental and somewhat hypocritical thoughts to about the girl in Cubicle 3 who forgot to put her pants on every day of her life (that is not a dress honey, it’s a TOP) and most importantly, she’s the one I can depend on.

To all my ladies with a Work Wife, here’s a holla and appreciation for these women in our lives. As someone that has always struggled to get along with other girls, because I am a naturally catty and judgemental person (it's pronounced fabulous) and don't do well with other naturally catty and judgemental people (basically women), meeting a gal that has changed my life in this way, makes me want to sit, reflect and ponder about how lucky I am to have made such a connection. I know for a fact, that if someone ever broke my heart to the point of no return, that she would be the one to bitch slap them back to Guatemala, set fire to their house and then spit on it once it had burnt down. I mean, what else do you really need in life?

Maybe Carrie was on to the something when she said all you need in this life of sin is your girlfriends.

Or something like that before she went running back to Mr. Big.

R xx

#love #men #officeromance #girlfriends #bestfriends