7 Actually Helpful Ways to Know if a Guy is Flirting with You
- Rahat Kapur
- Aug 27, 2015
- 6 min read
A few weeks ago, I did a post on ‘Ten Actually Helpful Ways to Know if a Woman is Flirting With You’ and I promised I’d do a male perspective too. After tireless research and asking several attractive flirting efficient men (what a troubling job, I mean really), I have finally compiled a list of the Top 7. If there’s one thing this exercise taught me, it’s that men really are very simple creatures when it comes to the art of seduction. Their minds don’t work in layers like women’s do, dissecting meaning behind meaning whilst trying to capture the attention of a potential match. And let's face it. None of this crapola you Google when trying to understand signs is actually useful and usually comes back with, 'He talks to you.' SO MANY GUYS TALK TO ME GOOGLE, DOES EVERYONE WANT ME? I mean,they probs do, look at me, I'm adorable. BUT THEN WHY AM I STILL SINGLE? Stupid Google.
But seeing the massive gap in the market, I decided to put my skills to use and so, ta da, here is this guide for your enjoyment. This amazing blog will help you decipher if a guy is flirting with you or simply trying to ask you to move out of his way so he can board his train home. To his wife. And thirteen children. With the same wife. You get the picture.
1. He is particularly mean to you / ignoring you / trying to proactively avoid you
This is not to be confused with when a guy is almost ready to book a ticket to another country to avoid seeing you. This is more along the lines of him actively dodging and avoiding eye contact, becoming flustered when you’re around him, purposefully ignoring you or trying to call out that he’s not paying attention to you. A weird way to flirt I know, but given how many social weirdos there are nowadays, it’s not a surprise this technique seems to be on here. Any time a guy is making an EXTRA effort than normal to draw attention to you, it’s probably his way of flirting.
2. He compliments you
Seeing as my dad probably wouldn’t notice if my mum had had a haircut unless she shaved her whole head, this one is particularly important when trying to decipher if a man is trying to flirt with you. Men are not wired to notice the little things, so if a guy takes the time to tell you your earrings look nice or your handbag is totes chic (who says this?), he’s definitely busting out come moves. If he tells you look beautiful, you’re funny, you make him happy or smile or you’re just an overall piece of sexytime potential, you’re most likely being flirted with. Most men will observe and absorb the hotness if they see you in a sexy dress or your make-up is on point (eyeliner on fleek bishes), but for a man to actually use his words, praise the Baby J.
3. He gets touchy and lets you get touchy too
With sexual harassment being such a widely discussed topic in the news nowadays, it’s no wonder most (decent, non-horn-dog) men feel afraid to touch women both in social and workplace situations today. Even just a light brush can be taken to court and next thing he knows, the poor dude is broke because he was just trying to pick up his bag from under the table, your thigh got in the way and he’s now $150 million poorer. Men who are not in bars and not eternally creepy, generally don’t just touch you for funsies. It takes courage and bravado to lay even a fingernail on a girl you’re chatting to and if he’s making any contact besides a hi-five or a bro-fist bump (note though, sometimes this is an opening for touch and not banishment to deathly friendzone), he’s definitely flirting. And on that same note, if a man is flirting with you, he’ll also let YOU touch HIM i.e. in the form of playfully whacking or squeezing his arm, looping arms, using his shoulder as support for major flat shoe-to-high-heel transition etc. Key body parts he’s touching to look out for here are upper arms, legs, middle to lower neck and obviously, legs.
4. He teases you playfully and initiates banter
Boys are like basically five year olds no matter how old they get, let’s be honest. So when Timmy wants to flirt with a girl at 27, he still thinks his stupid way of pulling pigtails is going to get him the sexy-time. If he’s playfully teasing you, making fun of you or holding on to little inside jokes you two might have, he’s TOTALLY flirting. His man-logic is telling him by behaving like a 3 year old and treating you like you’re not quite as great as he actually thinks you are, you’ll be all ‘OMG MAN, WHY YOU NO LIKE ME?’ and get all giggly at his teasing. Then you’ll be all ‘STAHHHP IT’ and wack him playfully on the arm, he’ll grab your hand, you’ll look into each other’s eyes and then….then…..then…..FIREWORKS. But not really, because most times women are just all, ‘Why is he being so stupid and why can’t he just stop repeating all the dumb stuff I say?’ Because he’s flirting with you, that’s why.
5. He maintains eye contact while you speak and actually looks like he gives a crap
Though I have tried very hard to convince myself that a guy whose eyes kept darting away from mine was totes defs flirting (down with the lingo y’all), I can guarantee to you, most times, he is not. The only exception to this rule is if a guy is INCREDIBLY shy and finds it hard to stare into your beautiful eyes, in which case, who can blame him? I mean look at yourself biatch. Men like shiny things and like to stare at said shiny things. If he’s looking at you and paying attention, it’s because he’s genuinely interested in what you’re saying. Locking your gaze is a powerful way for a guy to tell you he’s finding you attractive, physically or mentally. As one of my interviewees put it, quit waiting for that guy staring at the girl on the next table and focus on the creepy starer. Wise words.
6. He talks about sex
You’d think this was a doozy and how freaking obvious can you be if you’re a hot-blooded heterosexual male discussing sex with a female right? But this one is tricky because sometimes us girls get misled when the sex talk involves a girl other than us. The truth is, men think about sex all the time, yes. And male friends will come to you from time-to-time for advice. This will not mean he’s trying to bang you like his big toe on a table (wow, so good line), but if he’s not a really close platonic friend, he’s not talking to you about sex because it’s fun. If he’s talking sexy, it’s because he’s thinking sexy and if he’s thinking sexy in your presence, it’s because at some level, even if it’s deep down, you’re making him feel sexy. Men manifest their flirting this way because it’s less lewd, less obvious than touching you outright and more effective at grabbing your attention.
7. He shows up AND makes an effort to engage
So basic, but so good. Men don’t go anywhere they don’t want to and not even their Mama can make them (or at least I hope so past like the age of 22). If he wants to going to be somewhere else, he will be. when a guy shows up, it’s because he wants to see you, be in your company and spend time with you. Whilst there, if he is making an effort to interact with you, smile, laugh and continue conversation with you with his attention fixed on you, he’s flirting. If he shows up, sits in the corner on his mobile texting Felicia, then he’s not flirting, he’s cruisin’ for a bruisin’. Men who are flirting want to engage with you because they find you interesting. Showing up isn’t enough here, though it’s half the battle. Engagement is the key. Also look for obvious signs like he tries to punch the dude who got there first and sat next to you because he thinks he stole his seat. That also might be flirting.
So there you have it, insider tips straight from the boys. I hope these were amazingly helpful my lovers.
Happy flirtationships!
R xx
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