70 Thoughts Girls Have on Tinder
- Rahat Kapur
- Aug 24, 2015
- 4 min read
Let's get real people. Whether it's been to find true love (lol, what, really?), find our next quick hook-up, have a browse around to understand the hype or accidentally downloaded it trying to find the marinatet-meat preparation app, Tender (so many jokes applicable), we've all been on Tinder at some point in our lives. So obviously how could I resist writing this blog post? For anyone who's suffered the trauma and triumphs of being a Tinderella, you should be able to relate. And obviously as Tinder is an app for both females AND males, I'll have a guy's perspective on this blog post up in no time too. But for now, please enjoy the 70 Thoughts Girls Have on Tinder. A special thanks to M & S in Singapore/Indonesia for their input and shared pain for this blog post!
It’s officially Wednesday which is basically Thursday which is totally Friday
What am I doing on Friday?
Oh shit, I’m not doing anything. I'm going to die a lonely cat lady. NO WAIT! Okay, time for Tinder
Why does this app always take so long to open? I'm like basically the only amazing person on it anyway
Please let there be someone decent on here today, I cannot handle SCIENCE NERDS!
Maybe I should change my age and distance radars, 150km and an age max of 60 is a little far I guess. Too much riff-raff seeping in
There we go, that’s so much better. 147km and 30 years is like so much more acceptable.
Time to swipe. YAY!
*Begins swiping*
Uggs, uggs, uggs, uggs, MY EYES! MY EYES! uggs, kind of cute but meh, WHAT EVEN?, OHMYGOD GO BACK IN YOUR BOX, uggs ug – wait what?
WHAT THE HECK IS HE WEARING? Is that a giraffe suit?
Oh you're not looking to get married and only want fun? NO CHILL BUDDY, YOU AIN'T GETTIN' NOTHIN!
*Continues swiping*
Where is this man’s shirt? He is more slabs than abs...get yo shirt back on fool
And this guy’s….? IS THAT A CARPET GROWING ON HIS CHEST?
DOES NO ONE OWN A SHIRT ANYMORE? We’re clearly having an epic clothing crisis
Eugh, why does this guy have a shirt on?! TAKE IT OFF
Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod, SOOOOOOOO HOT
He’s out of my league
But is he though?
YOLO. *Swipes right*.
No match…..I KNEW IT
I knew he was out of my league, why did I swipe right?! I’m solo not YOLO
Okay, don’t cry. Plenty more fish in the Tinder sea
*Continues swiping*
Which one even are you man?! WHY WOULD YOU PICK A PHOTO WITH SEVEN OTHER DUDES?!
Are you serious right now? Why are there 3 REALLY HOT girls in your Tinder profile picture?
Playboy douchebag potential. NEXT!
What even is this profile description? It’s spelt ‘romance’ not ‘romanze’ you moron. No hope. NEXT!
Is there anyone on here who doesn’t make me want to give up on life?
There are no good men left on the Earth. Where are my Maltesers?
HOLD UP, HOLD UP. I THINK I FOUND HIM.
YAS CHONCEY! THIS IS IT. THIS IS HIM!
*Breathes heavily* I think I just found my future husband. He’s totally The One.
*Swipes right*
PLEASE LORD, LET IT BE A MATCH!
IT’S A MATCH, OMG IT’S A MATCH!
YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY!
SUCK ON THAT EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER REJECTED ME! MY FUTURE HUSBAND IS SO FREAKING HOT!
Okay calm down! Time to check when he was last active
5 minutes ago. Okay, so he’s totally going to message me now
*2 minutes later* Why hasn’t he messaged yet?!
*5 minutes later* WHAT IS YOUR GAME BUCKO?
STUFF IT. I’m an empowered woman. I’ll just message the bas-
HE MESSAGED! HE MESSAGED! YAY! *Weeps inside a little*
Okay, he said hey, how are you. I’m good. I’M SO GOOD!
I think I should wait for 5 minutes just so I don’t seem so keen
WHY IS TIME SO SLOW???????????
Finally! I CAN WRITE BACK NOW!
‘Hi, I’m good, how are you! J’
*Waiting*
*Waiting
*Still waiting*
*Still waiting….*
Ohmygod, why hasn’t he responded?
I think I was friendly but cool?
Maybe I should’ve put a ‘?’ instead of a ‘!’
Was the smiley face too much? What if he thinks I’m too friendly?
Who goes on Tinder to be friendly though?
FINALLY! He replied.
‘I’m good too.’ REALLY? IT TOOK YOU 5 WHOLE MINUTES TO WRITE THAT?
I’m not responding until he says something useful
*5 minutes later* WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME RYAN GOSLING CLONE?
*5 more minutes later* What if he’s The One though? Tinder has no place for ego.
*Types*
‘That’s great! What brings you to Tinder?’
*15 minutes later, checks for reply*
Where did he go? WHERE DID HIS PROFILE GO? DID HE UNMATCH ME?
FINE BUDDY! YOU MISS OUT! I COULD BE MISS UNIVERSE IF I TRIED HARDER!
SCREW THIS CRAP MAN. Where did I leave my Maltesers?
Happy swiping!
R xx
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