Ten Actually Helpful Ways to Know if a Woman is Flirting with You
- Rahat Kapur
- Jul 27, 2015
- 7 min read
At a Friday night drinks not too long ago with a few funtastic colleagues, a cocktail waitress sashayed her way over to our table and proceeded to drape herself like a blanket on my male colleague. Her eyes were lit up brightly, her dress hiked up to her hips, her lips pursed. Her flirt game was so strong, the only other way she could’ve indicated interest was to undress herself rapidly and set a wedding date. The rest of us in attendance sat quietly, observing and awaiting her departure so we could point out the obvious. Yet to our horror, when she finally did totter away, my colleague turned back to face the crowd, unfazed and unaware of the fact that this woman had basically just declared herself to him as his official flirtation property. When I pointed out to him she was practically drooling on him, he remained confused and asked if I could be the guiding light in his life and teach him about some subtle signs women employ when flirting with men.
So obviously, where there is demand, I supply. So here are the Love, Life & Louboutin Top Ten Tips to help you identify when a woman is flirting with you.
1. She laughs at things you say, no matter how douchey, sleazy or lame.
If I could count the number of times a man has told me a nasty story about some conquest he made at a bar or club and what a boss he is as a result of it, I’d be a millionaire by now. Mostly because from the description he provides, it was obvious he’d chosen the kind of girl that was always going to sleep with him anyway, so what is the big whoop? Men need to understand, we don’t really care about whoever you’ve slept with last, as long as we’re on your list of people to go out with next. Of course the exes and all that drama does eventually ensue, but during the flirting stage, we’re willing to overlook ANYTHING as long as she’s not a prostitute or your best friend’s current girlfriend or my best friend. If she’s laughing at your awesome tales of winning women over or fawning over your ‘Bros’ Trip’ to Thailand, it’s because she’s trying to flirt, not show her appreciation for what a sleaze you could potentially be. In such a case, you should be eternally grateful and date her, because listen to yourself. Really.
2. She’s touching you in any other form than a hi-five, fist-bump, pat on shoulder and awkward side-hug.
As someone who is naturally flirtatious, I don’t find body contact to be a hugely overwhelming experience. When I’m with platonic male friends, I will often feel comfortable in hugging them upon arrival/leaving and holding their arm to cross the road when in heels etc. as would most women. However, there’s a fine line between what is considered friendship touching and flirty touching and if the girl you’re talking to is doing any of the following touching gestures, it’s flirting and NOT BFF time:
– Punching you on the arm – Slapping your arm – Touching your elbow – Holding your hand in ANY WAY – even if it’s something lame like a thumb war (who does this anymore?) – Touching your leg – Touching your chest – Touching your hair – Touching your face – Touching you ANYWHERE aside from shaking your hand, giving you a hi-five or fist bump. And even with these, sometimes she could only be doing this so you and her will touch each other.
Basically, if she’s making body contact, is smiling and laughing and isn’t hugging you to say ‘Hey!’, she’s flirting. Do you get it yet?
3. Her Body Language says ‘I like you…a lot’.
No, I don’t mean any of this scientific stuff like her pupils are all dilated and her toes are pointed towards you, please. That stuff is obvious and I have never once been able to successfully confirm if someone’s pupils have dilated around me anyway. I mean actual body language cues, like, her arms are never crossed, her eyes are wide with excitement, she’s fidgeting with her hair or laughing obnoxiously loud. THOSE kinds of cues. I once had a man very negligently tell me that a girl who has her legs crossed next to a man was displaying her lack of interest in them and would never sleep with them. This was entirely untrue, because I was both interested in and very attracted to this man, but I crossed my legs to look more elegant and to stop myself from peeing with excitement. If a woman is leaning in closely, draping herself on you, pressing herself against you in any capacity or is initiating any form of body proximity, it’s flirting. She ain’t just rubbing up against you because she likes the feeling.
4. She either maintains deep eye contact or cannot look you in the eye for more than 4 – 5 seconds at a time.
If you’re a confident woman who really wants to make it known that she’s not afraid to hold your gaze, she will stare you down to show you she’s DTF – down to flirt, that is. Ya nasty. I know I do this when flirting to subconsciously test if the man I’m flirting with can handle a strong, clear gaze or if he’ll be overwhelmed. Other times, a woman may not be able to maintain eye contact if she’s extremely attracted to you or attempting to flirt due to the intensity of her attraction. If she’s smiling and engaged, but can’t look you in the eyes for more than a few seconds, that’s flirting. If she’s not maintaining eye contact and has a sombre face, yeah she’s telling you to sod off.
5. She tries to do something nice for you, even if you’ve done nothing for her.
A woman who is interested in a guy will go out of her way to show him how caring, kind and considerate she is. If you’re getting to work and your coffee is already on your desk, Venti Mocha Caramelatte style with 2 pumps of Hazelnut, she’s not just being friendly cause she likes delivering coffee, she’s definitely flirting. She doesn’t want to go broke buying you stuff, but she figures eventually you’ll realise she’s basically amazing and ask her to coffee too. If you don’t, at least stop drinking her free money please.
6. She is always down to hang or communicate.
Basic rule. If you like someone and are attracted to them, you will never give up a chance to spend time with them. Women are no different. She’s not hanging out with you all day, erryday because she’s trying to study human behaviour (unless of course, she’s my sister and majoring in Human Behaviour Studies at Uni). Furthermore (yes I used that word in a blog post), if she’s happy to respond to text messages and exchange any form of communication 24 hours a day, she ain’t doing it to upskill herself on touch typing, she’s trying to flirt. If we’re giving you any of our time in more than a 15 minute time block and you and I both know we’re not friends, casual colleagues or bro/sister-zoned, it’s because we’re attracted to you and we will take this opportunity to flirt with you. FIFTEEN MINUTES BOYS, that’s the golden time rule before friends go to flirts.
7. She never ever compliments you.
This is such an old one, but such a good one. The reason women use this technique is because once upon a time, we did compliment. We used to compliment the men we were flirting with so much that they just got high off our free praise and then sodded off with some other girl who was basically a 6 when we were clearly an 8. Or a 7. Or a 6.5. Either way, we were still better and they never acknowledged it, but just used us for their own insecurity and validation. So now, we treat you mean to keep you keen. If a woman is actively spending time with you and finding ways to be around you, shows she’s appreciating your company but will never actively say you look great or are the nicest guy ever, it’s not because she’s not into you. It’s because she’s trying to get you to work for it, which is part of the flirting family. Messed up, but true. I’m only telling you what’s up, not that it’s fair people, don’t hate the messenger.
8. She always compliments you.
The other approach women can sometimes take is to throw their validation at men they’re interested in to boost their egos and display overt interest. If a woman is always complimenting you and comparing you to other men with the consensus that you outdo every other man she’s ever met, she’s flirting and hell, she wants you to know it. It’s a classic conditioning technique, very Pavlov. The more she boosts your ego, the more you associate her with feelings of positivity. The more positive you feel around her, the more you’ll want to be physically present with her and ta da, she gets her wish. Flirting 101 boys.
9. She pulls your metaphoric man pigtails.
Much like men tease girls they like and use the playground technique of yanking their hair to get their attention, women who proactively tease you are flirting. In fact, I will be bold enough to say there is NO SUCH THING as platonic teasing between a man and a woman unless you’re related or literally bro-zoned. Teasing is ALWAYS flirting. ALWAYS. No, don’t argue. Don’t make me do hand-in-the-face emoji at you. Just trust me. I’m not spending my time finding minor little details to make sarcastic comments about because I’d like to befriend you for life. I’m flirting. Accept it.
10. She’s there, here and everywhere.
A girl who is actively flirting with you in a bid to gain your attention will always be somehow present, even when you don’t think she will be. working late and she’s around? She’s trying to get your attention. Going to pick up the groceries and bump into her? She’s looking for a chance to flirt with you. You’ll notice she’s around, lurking, creeping, stalking and trying not to get arrested. Just kidding, not everyone is me. Her presence is noticeably more apparent than other women in your life and everytime she sees you, she’s happy and smiling? She’s flirting.
There you have it boys. My top ten for how to know a woman is flirting with you. I know there are a trillion buzzfeed articles about this, but let’s be honest, I’m the expert.
Happy flirting.
R xx
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